My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
