you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
