he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
