Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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