I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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