but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am available for nakedness
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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