there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
