You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
