Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
