If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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