so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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