WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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