You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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