Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
