We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
