Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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