I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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