it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
