Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
