dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
