The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
