Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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