she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You made out with two different species that night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
