I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
