Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
