I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
