Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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