ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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