does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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