Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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