so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
