yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
