dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
