so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
