Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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