yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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