I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
and you fell through a lawn chair
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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