By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
