Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
