All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
