No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
