I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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