Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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