I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
