We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
