He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
