oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
