sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
