Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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