I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
