First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
